The Podium Problem.

So, right now I'm definitely procrastinating studying for a test I have later this week.

Actually, that's partially incorrect.  I have been studying for it prior to now (I'm not THAT unorganized), but I am procrastinating starting it up again after what was originally supposed to be a 5 minute study break.

Now that that confession is taken care of, I can get to the point!
...which I haven't exactly figured out how to gracefully present yet.

Let's see....ok. Well, I went home this weekend and really loved getting to be there and spend time with my family freezing to death at a baseball game, shopping with my favorite personal shopper, and hitting up the movies.

P.S.- Jack the Giant Slayer was pretty good-but I do love any decent fantasy movie with a classic hero saving the princess and epic battle or two, so I may not be a great source if you are picky.

ANYWAY, back to the back story:
After church at good ole FBC Wetu, I had plans to go to lunch with Tanner.  So I headed to Mt. Hebron to wait for them to get out of "big church" (I've never heard anyone in the south call it anything other than that. Big church.) I got there earlier than I expected, so I slipped in the back and caught the end of the sermon.

A little more background: my mom grew up at Mt. Hebron and it's where my parents were married.  My nanny (mom's mom) still goes there as well as basically that whole side of my family, so we've been there a solid few dozen times for different events, youth group stuff, ect.  Being there isn't out of the ordinary.

Today however, I noticed something I hadn't before: the preacher's podium is clear.

Like completely. Except for the big white cross on the front.

This is when the ADD kicked in and I was totally distracted thinking about how I would hate to speak from behind a clear podium.  See, I love having a podium when I speak to a larger number of people mainly because it gives me something to hang on to. But seriously, I tap my fingers on them, usually end up partially standing on them, maybe leaning on it...if I don't have somewhere to put my hands, I end up looking like I'm trying to land a plane with my arm signals.

But, I could technically do all of that on a clear podium just like any other one.  So why wouldn't I be comfortable speaking behind one that was completely transparent?

Exactly.  It's COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT.

Meaning: everyone in that whole entire room could see me being squirmy and nervous.
Uh, no, thank you!

And then He spoke up:

"Why, Tori? Why would it be so bad?"

"Well, I would want to appear as poised and put together as possible."

"What if that was a mask for a different problem?"

"Wellll...I don't know...I just want to at least give the appearance of confidence and self-sufficiency.  Even if it wasn't how I felt right then, I wouldn't want to bother anyone else with it or seem like I didn't have myself together..."

Then it slipped out.

"...especially not in church!"

"Then what is this for? Why is the body so important? And what would you need me for if you were self-sufficient, dear one?"

Mm. Dern.

And here I am this whole past week praying about our upcoming spring break mission trip, that I will be able to lead the girls in my small group with a genuine realness, and that we will all be open with one another so we can love and encourage and hold each other accountable.  Galatians 6:2 says to "carry one another's burdens".  How can my brothers and sisters in Christ love and comfort me if I always have it together? If I always come before God and His people behind a dark podium that covers my nervousness, discomfort, and my struggles, how in blue blazes am I supposed to A: be healed by the Father, and then B: be able to comfort others who will struggle with the same things after me?

So boom. There it is. All up in my kool aid. Calling me out on a hiding problem, rooted in a need for the acceptance of others, derived from a lack of complete trust in my Creator, who says I am beautiful, promises me a hope and a future, and continuously draws me nearer to Him.



"Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you won't be tempted also. Carry one another's burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone considers himself to be something when he is nothing, he is deceiving himself."
Galatians 6:1-3

"But encourage each other daily, while it is still called today, so that none of you is hardened by sin's deception."
Hebrews 3:13

"He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so our comfort overflows through Christ. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation: if we are comforted, it is for your comfort which is experienced in the same sufferings that we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that as you share in the sufferings, so you will share in the comfort."
2 Corinthians 1:4-7