I feel old and still super young at the same time.
It's pretty confusing.
Earlier this morning I was doing today's lesson in the (super great) bible study my group is doing this year, and a part of it included looking up Proverbs 31:10-31 and listing all the duties of this virtuous woman in different categories. (We are studying the life of Ruth currently and this week is about her faithful obedience, and God keeping his promises, etc.) I've read this passage at least 100 times in my life probably, but had never listed out all the things she does until this morning.
Come to find out, the majority of her duties she fulfills seem to be physical, active things. For instance getting up early (verse 15), working with her hands (verse 13), the spinning staff (verse 19), makes garments (verse 24)...
Like, verse 17 literally says: "She draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong."
Oh well good for her.
Discovery of the day: I personally have spent an awful lot of time in 1 Peter 3 working on that "gentle and quiet spirit" (vs. 4) and not near enough time in Proverbs 31 watching over the affairs of my household and never being idle (vs. 27). Ouch.
And obviously I'm not a wife or mom, but Ruth didn't meet Boaz just hanging out at the edge of the fields. She was out there gleaning (isn't that what it's called?...whatever), working, providing for herself and her mother-in-law.
I am not going through all this to make some kind of feminist point, or talk about aspiring to be a great wife one day. It was cool for me to read it this morning, because sometimes being kind-of-an-adult is just hard and discouraging.
There are plenty of days when I feel great about things, and I'm all:
"YES! I can do this! Get up early! Eat three complete meals! Make great grades! Graduate! Go to grad school! Get a job you love! You are great! You look awesome! Look at that clear skin! You rocked that project! Turn in that paper early! Make an A on every test! Wow! You're going to be an awesome wife! And a super cool mom! And that real food you cooked for dinner was fantastic! YES!
I AM THE BOMB!"
And then there are days when I can't even find the pen I literally just had in my hand two seconds ago to take notes with in class...
Yeah.
I'm not a type A personality. I'm frequently frazzled and disorganized, 5 minutes late is my on time, this morning I just washed my bed sheets for the first time in....maybe since school started, actually did two days of bible study to catch up, and we had s'mores for breakfast.
I can, however, be a control freak about some things, and there's this huge part of me that seriously wants to be good at being a grown-up. You know: clothed in strength and honor...being able to laugh at the time to come. (verse 25)
It's overwhelming, trying to figure out life.
The last part of that chunk of verses is such a good reminder, though. The reason this woman was virtuous and could laugh at the time to come is because of the Lord. She was not wise, good, kind, and strong because she alone was just that awesome.
She is a blockhead, but her God makes her pure, capable, and whole.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore I will most gladly boast all the more in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So because of Christ, I am pleased in weaknesses, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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