Peeve:
verb
annoy; irritate
synonyms: vex, anger, exasperate, get on someone's nerves
Recently, I had breakfast with a friend who is both old and new. Old in the sense of knowing her for a long time, and new in the sense that college has bettered our relationship. We both graduate in May, which means we are both starting to hunt for "real" jobs, and are facing this semi-frightening transition of becoming "grown ups". And we both pray. A LOT.
I know that people who haven't been in this place in years may not remember, but this [at least feels like] it's a big deal. Definitely big enough to go to Chappy's for breakfast and discussion.
It's easy to daydream and idealize how you think your life will turn out. You know, how you will move to your favorite city, get your dream job making $$$$$$$, marry this type of guy, have this many kids in this certain type of house, etc.
Daydreaming is easy. Actually figuring all these things out is hard.
This friend I ate with the other morning was in the process of trying to figure out some of these things when one of her prayers wasn't answered in the way she was hoping...
And it hurts.
Her summary statement of her circumstance was: "I asked God to give me an answer on this, and He was like: "Buckle up!""
You pray about something very specific asking God for some clarity in your situation, and you say that you just want to know what the answer is but what you really mean is that you want to know that the answer you have in mind is the correct one.
See, I have an idea of what is best for me, what makes the most sense, what would be the good and right thing in my life. BUT (thankfully) my best and His best are usually not the same. There are times when I just KNOW I am right, and that what I want to happen in my life needs to happen, because what could be better?? Then He says no, and His answer is ALWAYS better.
Most of the time I will already expect a certain answer when I pray, then I am disappointed (and sometimes devastated) when what He says isn't what I wanted.
Remembering that God is holy and always good is not easy when I am hurting and disappointed. I get irritated, annoyed, mad, frustrated...peeved. I like to know all the answers, I like to have a plan, I hate not knowing things before hand, I like being prepared. Plans and preparation make me feel in control and comfortable. Having faith is difficult and frustrating.
Plans are easy. Trust is hard.
Over and over again He gives me reasons to trust His answers. Best Buddies, jobs, trips to China, Iceland, and Bulgaria, friends I never knew existed until college, Tanner Harris...all of those things came after He said no, while I was still hurting and/or disappointed, and all of them have been far better than what I pleaded with Him for.
Yet still, I am skeptical and I doubt Him.
I was talking with someone MUCH wiser than I about how my relationship with my parents has changed, and how I both love and hate that they will call me out on things, and she said, "Yeah. They are polishing you."
Polish:
verb
1. to make smooth or glossy, especially by rubbing or friction
2. to render finished, refined, or elegant
The other morning at Chappy's, eating french toast and cheese grits, drinking my third cup of coffee, I looked across the table at my confused, sad friend and thought, "You're being polished."
He loves us perfectly. He makes us new.
It is not easy. Sometimes it is just the worst.
I am not good at being polished. He does it anyway.
His good trumps mine every time.
"Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing."
James 1:2-4
Love your wise words Tori Teel
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